me babbling on me and how I look

[podling]

I've had several conversations lately with random friends centering on how I see myself and how others see me and how I think others see me. It's odd really. People compliment me on how I look (often at work, but not exclusively), and I really somehow just don't believe it. And I'm not entirely sure why. I mean, there are times when I think I look good or hot or whatever, but for the most part I don't think of myself as an attractive person. But what is attraction, really? Is it based on an aesthetic? Is it based on a chemical property? Or is it something even more vague than that? But I'm getting away from what I'm really thinking about there.

Part of the thinking behind this is that I am a tad overweight. I'm not hugely overweight, and I guess I carry it well, but still, it's a fact. I do not weigh near target weight. Though I have lost a very small amount of weight recently (which I can probably attribute to slight changes in eating habits, along with doing funky balance ball exercises) which is good. Overall I look well-balanced, I'm about an average size for a woman, I can still shop at The Limited and all, plus big tits seem to even the rest of the body out. Or rather, I'm proportional. And I think I'm shaped nicely, but then again, that is what the post is about. I say these things that sound positive, and yet at some deeper level I have a lack of belief in it. For the most part I just think I'm okay. I'm not ugly, I'm not fabulous. I have days when I really would rather not think about it though. I'd rather not pass by mirrors on some days.

But then sometimes people can make me believe, if even for a short period of time, that no, really, I *am* beautiful. Possibly even sexy. Like a friend taking photos, or maybe holding me, or just paying me a compliment. Sometimes it does get through. But what makes those times different then? Is it a good mood, does that make me more receptive? I just don't know...

Comments

[godcat.livejournal.com]

I know you aren't fishing for compliments here, but you're going to get them anyway. Certainly I find you attractive. Certainly I've seen you sexy. Given that it's hard for you to believe a lot of the time and that interpersonal communication is imperfect though, it's not surprising that sometimes you accept the truth to the compliments or attention and at other times you aren't readily able to do so.

I've said many times that I wish I could share my way of seeing my female friends with them, so that even if they couldn't accept it as fact, at least they would know I'm being sincere.

Stay beautiful, it goes well with being supercool. ;)

[podling]

I really wasn't fishing for compliments, but thanks anyway. It's still hard to believe sometimes, and I know that's silly, but that's just kind of how it is. Oh well. And I'm not supercool, I'm just vaguely chilled. ;)

[dangerdean.livejournal.com]

I've found that, while appearance definitely has an impact, it is one of the least important factors determining whether someone is sexy/attractive/whatever. How someone sees themself and carries themself, their attitude and interactions with others...those are the things which attract me.

Judging by the pictures I've seen you are, indeed, attractive, but even if I hadn't seen any pictures I'd still think you were hot, so you obviously put out a certain vibe.

[podling]

Yeah, I see what you mean, totally. Attraction is such a complicated thing, but in the end it always works out to either you are or you aren't. The factors involved can be multitudinous, but it all boils down to that.

And yeah, 'course I'm hot. I just doubt myself once in a while.

It's all in perspective....

[mowglikat]

I think an important thing to remember is that there is such a thing as "type". For instance, A nerdy type of guy, who wears glasses, knows alot of computer stuff, can discuss science fiction for an hour, and is a little on the scrawny side really isn't the media portrayal of "attraction"...but damn....I just really dig a guy with brains. It pushes my buttons.

I know girls who are really attracted to overweight Italian guys (something about a big teddy-bear kind of a thing) and one girl who was attracted to large noses.

It's not about a definable image of beauty...it's about what goes on in the air between two people when they look at each other. It's also about how you make other people feel about themselves. Some of it is cosmetic...but it's not a quantifiable cosmetic, because so many people have so many different preferences.

I have trouble looking at myself as beautiful. I can, however, accept that there are other people who find me so. I am several people's "type". I'm sure you are as well.

Hey, I think you're cute. You're not my type...but I wouldn't kick ya outta bed for eatin' crackers.

;-)

Re: It's all in perspective....

[podling]

I wrote a reply to this, and the damnable computer ate it!!! But anyway, I'll do another...

You make some very fine points. Very fine. I think I just never thought of myself as really being *anyone's* type. I mean, I've just always been kind of one of the guys, but not really. It's not that hard to believe that people *do* have types, I mean, I have guy friends that prefer different things. One guy likes thin girls with smallish tits, another curvy, large breasted women. To each their own. But still, never thought of myself as a type that suits someone.

And really, part of it is something random, chemistry maybe? Some sort of connection that is either there or it isn't. A feeling of rightness. And I guess that's part of why I'm thinking about it all, because I rarely, if ever, feel that sort of thing in my life and it's annoying! Ah well...

Re: It's all in perspective....

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

Some sort of connection that is either there or it isn't. A feeling of rightness. And I guess that's part of why I'm thinking about it all,

As far as I can tell, this is the main factor in whether it's possible to internalize someone else's compliment. If they're just your co-worker, or me, or some friend (especially anyone you don't think has good taste themselves) it's near to impossible to actually believe the compliment. But if it's said with just that hint of flirtation, that spice of true attraction, especially if you also are attracted back to them, then the compliment fills you, feels real, feels like, "yes, I am sexy."

Of course if the person is too sexy themeselves and seems totally out of reach, then it can end up not getting through either, because well, they must just be patronizing me, or "they're saying that because they're a cool charming person, not because I am."

But you are gorgeous. Sure, sometimes moreso than others, but intrinsically you are sexy.
The only reason for you to lose weight is if that would help you to believe it.

[piratejenny.livejournal.com]

We all have days we'd rather not look at mirrors. Really. But you are adorable. So there.

And if you really wanna loose weight, talk to Deb. I'm serious. Don't know if you remember her from ages ago, but she's lost weight like Heather's lost weight. Gone from like a 22 to like a 12. Her main advice is don't be stupid. :-)