Podworld News

So I was on my way to work, lalala, not in a great mood, not in a bad mood, just, eh. Then everything changed... I saw a shirt that said, "The few. The proud. The mostly human." and it just made my day. Big smile. Hee.

Over the past few weeks I keep seeing the same thing crop up in many other peoples journals, the topic of honesty. Not always the same format, many are just hidden under the veneer in other conversations, some are talking about how others view them versus their own views, some are talking about how people speak of or to them. And so I’ve pondered it in my many moments offline. So. Thinking about honesty and what it means to me.

I mistrust people who I find to be dishonest with me, even if it’s really random little things. In fact, more so if it’s random little things, because to me that bespeaks a lack of respect and of true conversation. And the word “true” itself is fraught with language difficulties, but what I mean by it is that we have entered into a sort of covenant in speaking, in which I do my best to understand what you say and you, in turn, do the same for me. I posted about that a while back, about language and understanding, so I don’t really feel a need to go there now, but I will say that personality clashes and the inherent imprecision of language do hamper this.

I will be honest with most people, inasmuch as I am able to, (except perhaps in business situations, which we’ll leave out of this for now) because my word is my bond, so to speak. However, I will sometimes withdraw in an effort at discretion. I recently left a mailing list rather than speak my opinion and start a fight, because really, what’s the point? Really, prioritization is part of life. I didn’t care enough about the argument that was probably going to follow to actually participate, though it bothered me to stay and fake compliance or complacency (which would’ve been dishonesty). So is prioritization a necessary part of honesty? Or in how we relate our thoughts whether honestly or no, to other people? Is it like Hallmark, when you care enough to…? Though prioritization takes more into account than just caring about the topic, it also takes time and energy, which most, if not all, people have budgeted pretty thinly. I often see conversations on LJ that I’d like to participate in, but can’t quite get around to, or give the attention I’d like to give.

Tact versus dishonesty… there can be a fine line. For the most part I try to get whatever message I’m trying to convey across using the most tactful way I can while still getting it across. Because truly, some things are too easily hidden in tact, too easy to miss, and it’s too easy to dismiss out of hand. Sometimes I’ll say what I think and pay the devil later, and sometimes I’ll give up rather than batter my head against something, trying to get my opinion across to another. And then there’s whether or not there’s a need to share… there are many opinions that I have that I just don’t feel need to be shared. Or they might, but with a select group of humanity, rather than the whole. Is keeping one’s opinions to themselves dishonesty? And what if they’re opinions of things important to you? For instance, if you have a friend, and he’s annoyed me doing specific weird things and I think he’s a creep, should I tell you? Is that dishonest? Possibly, possibly not. I could share it tactfully, or I could decide that you wouldn’t handle it well and not tell you, which may fall into the grey area between right and wrong.

Then there’s honesty to self. This is harder. Realizations of dishonesty towards oneself can be damaging to one’s ego. Truths can be hard to face, harsh and insidious. But how does one tell that they’re deluding themselves if they in fact are? It can be a protective measure, a wall that is taken down when the self is ready to deal with it. That’s actually a healing mechanism (when it works), so is it really wrong? I try to be honest with myself, though I may not share those moments of honesty with others, and I think most people probably do the same.

All the world is a stage, and LJ certainly is, so one may have multiple sides to themselves that they show to the world. Are some necessarily untrue? On LJ, or really, any online community, I see a non-fully flushed out character sketch of you. Details add to it, make it more three dimensional, make you more real. Sometimes the reality is hard to deal with, there’s a dissonance that must be dealt with in the viewer’s mind, assumptions to edit or throw out. Is what I show me? And is what comes across the same as what I mean? Am I being creative or dishonest?

Perhaps these are part of ongoing moral questions, concerning honestly, human constructs of changing variability depending on the viewer. Hmmn.

So there was no beach, no kayaking, no unpacking even, really. Instead I headed out for some errands. Mission 1, to find Cablevision and blow it... I mean, return my cable box.

As I got on Rt. 1, I saw a sign from on high, that spelled out in giant letters, "All Hudson River Crossings Open" and at the same moment, heard on the radio that Staten Island was having uncontrolled rolling blackouts. Hmmn. Staten Island is not across the Hudson, but my next thought was, "Oh no! jennywrenn is in the evilness that is Staten Island!" so lo, I did call her and offer to remove her to the Land of Power in my nicely air conditioned car for lunch and stuff. Though obviously it had to wait until Mission 1 was completed.

Nice 4 day weekend I'm having so far. So tomorrow I have stuff to do, then perhaps I will drive out to where tanaise lives. She misses me (often, but maybe her aim will improve at close range). ;)

Me: Hey... do you have electricity?

Celia: Um, yeah, duh!!! And why do you care? What's wrong with you today?

Me: Do me a favor and turn on CNN, I'm curious about something...

Celia: Hey, there's a blackout in NYC, there's a street and a raised highway and a church, and all these people. Are you there? Wave to the camera so I can see you!

Me: I think that's somewhere other than where we are.

Celia: That's too bad.

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Two words... Holland Tunnel

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Actual thought at 4:15... Hmmn, all these people milling around, I'd best go catch a bus before they all do. Bet it's the only way home. Damn me for not leaving at 4!!!!!

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I wonder if I have to work tomorrow, well, today. And what is wrong with me? My boss called to see if I was home and alive (which I was not, and was, respectively), and I spoke to him about work concerns from the power outage. Like what will need to be done in certain areas. When did I become a responsible person?

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How is it that my place isn't unpacked, and I can't find half my stuff (including the things that hold the shelves up) yet I can find my camp lanterns in under a minute in the dark. Weird stuff...

Some people just seem more able to communicate with specific people than others. And I wonder what it is that actually makes this true. What is it that makes a person to person personal translation program less necessary?

For instance, a friend of mine (you know who you are) recently got directions from another friend and got frustrated because one road wasn't described in a way that was very useful to him. Whereas when he said it to me, I just said, "Oh, the road that runs through x town with y on it." and *that* he could understand. So. Is it a shared frame of reference? Does one eventually get to know some people well enough just to somehow know these things? What will work to describe something or what won't? What will get through to someone as opposed to what will just confuse them? Or is it just something that either is there or isn't, like a sexual attraction? Or are some people just more in tune with other people? More observant?

I headed off an argument with my boss the other day by saying, "No, wait, listen, we're not talking about the same thing. This is what you're talking about and this other thing is what I'm talking about and this is why I'm concerned with it." But even 6 months ago, this wouldn't've occurred to me to try with him and it would've just ended up in a fight. So perhaps some of the personal translation lexicon is actually learned through trial and error. Hmmn. Though truthfully, it takes more than just being able to say it, one has to recognize that there is this odd diversion of meanings. Because we were using the same language to describe two items which, while related, are not the same.

And really, isn't that where some of the problems are coming from? Language is imprecise. Communication itself is imprecise. There are shades of meaning in everything. And what means one thing to one person may mean something else completely to another person, depending on any number of factors, some of which can be predicted and others that can't.

It wasn't misuse of the interdepartmental mail, I don't care what anyone says!!!

I realized earlier, when I was talking to someone on the phone, that over the past year I've actually started to self-identify as an artist. Sort of. I mean, if someone says, "Are you an artist?" I now say, "Yeah, but I don't get much done." instead of, "Not really, I just like making stuff." and I think this represents a basic change in self confidence and how I view myself and my projects. And this is probably a good thing, I think. That being said, I think my giant puzzle is going to go on the ceiling in my room, just as soon as I repaint it with the cool sparkle paint I found at Lowe's (which should mean late October or November, at the rate I've been progressing, but whatever). I like painting big things. I really do.

In other news, the new place is coming along. Not quickly, but it's getting done. Eventually people won't cringe when they walk in. And tomorrow I've got to get my kayak and bring it here. I'm bitter I haven't been able to use it recently, but I'm consoling myself with the fact that since I have a wetsuit, I can probably continue going out until November. So. Soon. Soon I will get the adrenaline rush I've been longing for...

Just to remind people that I'm not that bright, I guess... :)

During Pirates of the Caribbean, I thought, "Huh. This is rather nice, I wonder where it's set..." about a second before recalling the title. Doh!

Just now, I get spam with the header "Bill Help". And I couldn't help but wonder who would name their child that. And really, I mean, do I know a Bill Help? Oh. Wait. I see. Bill Help. Like help with bills. Umm...

Also, I keep typing "toast" instead of "roast". I mean, really, "toast sirloin"? "toasted potatoes"? These should not be on the menu.

Oh, and I keep saying out loud... "po... lent...ah!" I'm so glad they haven't made me record the voice menu lately.

Right, so I'm moving (duh) and for the first time ever, they're making me change my phone number. This distresses me. I've had the same number at my last 3 apartments!!! Anyway, rather than send it to everyone in my address book, I'm asking who wants it. So... um, answer, if that is something desirable to you. :)

[Poll #159934]