(no subject)

[podling]

So I was talking to someone about BDS&M stuff the other day... actually mostly just about bondage. And at some point I said that I think most people are a little bit attracted (or turned on, more like) to a small amount of it. Not necessarily in a way that would be expressed regularly, but just kind of in the back of the mind.

Anyway, talking to tanaise about it, she said this... "And I think that probably everyone has a little S/M side to themselves because everyone simultaneously wants completely control of their lives and total bossing about by someone else." And I think she makes a valid point...

Comments

[tikimama.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm, I keep thinking about this, and I can't find that part of myself. I dislike, strongly, being told what to do, or restrained in any way.

I'd rather be bossing, if I must. But I'm not strongly drawn to being in charge or in power. So I don't know that I'd be a Dom. But I'm for sure too contrary to sub...

I need to be less mellow. :)

[podling]

I think it's a power thing. Power & powerlessness.

Your relationship with your guy seems more of an equality thing. But I also don't think you have to be strongly drawn to it. I mean, do you guys use blindfolds once in a while? Or scarves? It's to a more limited extent sure, but...

And I'd think with more equal partners, neither of whom is overly dominant or submissive, that there'd just be give and take in it. Sort of like tickle fights I used to have 'lo many years ago with a friend in MA. More or less took turns torturing each other with the tickling.

[tikimama.livejournal.com]

I think all relationships are about power. The give, the take, etc. All the rest of the trappings--love, lust, companionship--are subsets of a power exchange. Not romantic, but there you go.

C & I are pretty vanilla all around, I think. We've dabbled in play, but mostly I just feel silly and not particularily titilated by it.

I've had unequal relationships before. I dislike them. I want to respect the person I'm with, and have them respect me. I think it is more difficult for a woman to get that--men are so taught to protect women. Ugh. If a guy tried to step into to "protect" me, I'd get so pissed. C is my partner, I expect him to be my backup, and I'm his. But he doesn't fight for me. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Mostly. Except when I get into fights in public.

But, you know, that's what *I* want from a relationship. And I get it. Whatever anyone else wants from a relationship, I dearly hope they get it. No judgement. Well, that's not entirely true. But I'm not going to stand in the way of them getting it, or condemn them. But I do have to judge through the lens of my experience.

[stronae.livejournal.com]

It's like a couple of days ago with Miss Vorpal Hair. She demanded that I get some work done before tomorrow, despite its relative unimportance. It wasn't the unimportance that bothered me -- it was the demand.

I don't mind being taught, or shown a better way, or even asked to do stuff. But if someone demands something from me willy-nilly, I tend to balk in a big way. (The bedroom screams of "fawk me now!", "get down there!", etc., are the exception, of course. :))

I wouldn't worry about the mellowness too much -- I'm far too mellow generally speaking, and yet this is a part of me.

[toratigris.livejournal.com]

Well, everybody's different. :)

I loathe being told what to do in every other aspect of my life (probably one of the reasons I'm so strongly non-religious, and one reason I'm a feminist, as well), including general relationship stuff. But I find being submissive sexually a total turn on...kind of a "forbidden fruit" thing, for me, I think.