Podworld News

So thanks to everyone for the good thoughts and all. In the end I've decided not to go to the service, for various reasons (though work was fine with it). I'll still do something privately memorial-like on Wednesday though, something meaningful and solitary (astrophysicat suggested something that would be amazingly appropriate, maybe I'll post about it afterward). It's too bad, as I'd like to see my zillions of extended cousins, but really, it's not a good plan logistically. And as my mom pointed out, it's between me and him, not for show.

In the midst of this deep thought stuff, I've found a condo, put a bid on it, was countered, and am now in the process of acquiring it. That's right! I'm going to be an owner instead of a tenant. Soon, even. For real! Pretty scary, but cool nonetheless. Lots of stuff to be done for that. I think I'll be happy there though.

In conclusion, life is weird. And hard to take sometimes. But on it goes...

exhausted
intoxicated
i dream of you
twilight deepens
only half awake
breeze like a caress
across bare skin
you're next to me somehow
but not when i open my eyes
disappointment fades to distraction
sink back into sleep
where i am held once more

****************
when i'm more awake, i'll probably delete this, so be amused while you have the chance!

So far it's been one of those days (negative), but only 3 1/2 hours of work left! (positive)

And also on a positive note, my ex-real estate agent called and I explained to her that I didn't need her services anymore. And it went well! All that avoidance for nothing! And I go out with the new one on Saturday afternoon.

No crazymonkeylove on the near horizon, I don't think. Negative.

Positive, I can go get my car carrier for the kayak on Saturday. Which entails spending money, which is a negative, but the money is from my tax refund, so that's kind of a positive.

Perhaps all situations are a mixture of positives and negatives. Well, okay, not all, maybe many...

astrophysicat obviously loves me, because she went out and bought food! We have popsicles! And go crunch cereal! And strawberries! And a super cool new toothbrush! And now my teeth are all sparklier than they were before!

I've redefined my search criteria for condo shopping. I'm looking at one bedroom ones now too. Because while, yeah, I want space, I'd also like to make absolutely sure I can afford it without renting out the spare room for the rest of my natural born life. I *like* having roommates, but I don't want to *have* to have one. So I may be striking out solo.

The problem remains of where the puzzle will go. I'm debating trying to find a buyer for it. Who wants a giant wall puzzle??? Going to the highest bidder! Want to see it? Look here...

http://www.reallybored.org/~tonyk/puzzle/DSCN1612.jpg
http://www.reallybored.org/~tonyk/puzzle/DSCN1601.jpg
http://www.reallybored.org/~tonyk/puzzle/DSCN1596.jpg
http://www.reallybored.org/~tonyk/puzzle/DSCN1575.jpg
http://www.reallybored.org/~tonyk/puzzle/DSCN1576.jpg

It's a bit more 3-D than you can tell from the pics. They're all 2 1/2" think or so. And they have little gemstone stars on them. (Pics courtesy tyrus)

Anyway, work today was absolutely insane. I got a lot accomplished though, so I guess it's not all bad. I also swore a lot and threw magnets at the filing cabinet when I was annoyed. It was funny. Really. Oh! Plus the missing stuff turned up, which filled me with joy. Or rather, lessened the dread. But I was recapping the day for one of my coworkers, and she just looked at me and said, "wait, all this happened today???" which made me feel good, as it's not just me that thinks things were insanely hectic.

And apparently I missed the 7th Heaven wedding! How on god's green earth could that have happened? I watched 5 minutes or so tonight. Long enough to hear that there was (gasp!) married people sex!!! Not on-screen or anything, but still, they were talking a little about it. Seemed a bit on the moral hit-you-over-the-head side, saying how married sex was so amazing and she couldn't understand how anyone could *ever* have casual sex, and I was totally cracking up. Damn wannabe minister girl, moralizing without even knowing it! Being an example to young'uns everywhere!

And on that note, I have to go to sleep. I intend to dream about non-married sex in a fabulous mansion that I'll never be able to own. ;)

I've had several conversations lately with random friends centering on how I see myself and how others see me and how I think others see me. It's odd really. People compliment me on how I look (often at work, but not exclusively), and I really somehow just don't believe it. And I'm not entirely sure why. I mean, there are times when I think I look good or hot or whatever, but for the most part I don't think of myself as an attractive person. But what is attraction, really? Is it based on an aesthetic? Is it based on a chemical property? Or is it something even more vague than that? But I'm getting away from what I'm really thinking about there.

Part of the thinking behind this is that I am a tad overweight. I'm not hugely overweight, and I guess I carry it well, but still, it's a fact. I do not weigh near target weight. Though I have lost a very small amount of weight recently (which I can probably attribute to slight changes in eating habits, along with doing funky balance ball exercises) which is good. Overall I look well-balanced, I'm about an average size for a woman, I can still shop at The Limited and all, plus big tits seem to even the rest of the body out. Or rather, I'm proportional. And I think I'm shaped nicely, but then again, that is what the post is about. I say these things that sound positive, and yet at some deeper level I have a lack of belief in it. For the most part I just think I'm okay. I'm not ugly, I'm not fabulous. I have days when I really would rather not think about it though. I'd rather not pass by mirrors on some days.

But then sometimes people can make me believe, if even for a short period of time, that no, really, I *am* beautiful. Possibly even sexy. Like a friend taking photos, or maybe holding me, or just paying me a compliment. Sometimes it does get through. But what makes those times different then? Is it a good mood, does that make me more receptive? I just don't know...

[Poll #128101]

I had told my dad that I clipped the passenger mirror off my car. So what did I hear about that from not only him, but other family members as well (including an auto mechanic) when I saw them over the weekend and they got to see it? Something along the lines of, "Nice job! I'm so impressed! You sheared that thing off clean, didn't even scratch around it. That takes skill!"

Very scattered. Life is very scattered. I feel weird. Weirdly twisted inside. And I'm not sure why exactly, if it's just the inevitable down after yet another weekend away having fun and stuff. Or maybe pms. But I seem to be suffering from a near total inability to concentrate on anything workwise. And everything else is just too big to concentrate on. I'm so tired.

So. Tomorrow night I go to Florida. To do list (with some already done things, well, recently done things, included, such that I feel like I've accomplished stuff)...

taxes... done
bills... done, last night, actually, go me!
take pics of the set before it gets torn down... done
laundry... um, close to done, really
packing... soon, soon my friends
clean up house... meep, okay, maybe this is overly optimistic, but I can hope
do half a months work... hmmn. well, with only 2 work days left, I'd best get cracking on that, I'd rather not be too too behind.

But really, laid out like this, it doesn't look like so much. Totally manageable. I did leave off finding a place to live, but that can't be done in one day anyway.

If your boss gave you $100 for a book of stamps, what would you do with it? I stood there, out in the middle of the street in NYC, thinking, "mmmn. i could buy a cd with this." (I always actually think of myself with a small "i") but I restrained myself and instead just bought the book of 20 stamps.

He let me keep the loose change, but the other $90-odd dollars I had to give back. So sad. No cd happines. How did I become so ethical?