(no subject)

[podling]

wahhhhh! i got blue sharpie marks on my pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love these pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what do i do???? it's not coming off and i tried club soda and it's JUST NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My boss savagely attacked me with a sharpie. That rat! I can't believe it. I mean, here I was, sitting by myself, pondering the ponderable things of the universe, and he just runs up, uncaps a marker and lunges!!!! I was like, "ack!" and he was like, "hahahah!" and then afterward when I was all upset that I couldn't get it off, he gives me a pear and says, "here, have a pear" like that makes it all better! They don't even make this kind of pants anymore! It's just not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is life so unfair???? I loved these pants.

Comments

[podling]

What? Would you rather hear that I'm just stupid and clumsy and it's all my own fault?! Fine. Go with that then. Meh.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

not dramatic enough. I'm not getting enough of a sense of "you as a victim" here. Or even "boss as a villan." Cardboard characters only work in morality plays. And wearing leis at parties. Give me more character motivation for both you and the 'boss'--what did you do to provoke this?

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

WTF?

Why did your boss attack you with a sharpie marker?
What part of this could he possibly have thought was funny?

If this really wasn't accidental, he's a total bastard.
What pants are they?

(the point of them originally was something that wouldn't wash off fabric, btw.)

[podling]

Actually, and this part *is* true, I went into his office and put several of his business cards in little table stand things and arranged them around his desk blotter. So wherever he looked there were little business cards belonging to him. Oh, and I called him a bitchwhore.

[voltbang.livejournal.com]

Ok, but we can do better. Lets try

"I was sitting in the park writing out my vital paperwork stuff in blue sharpie when out of nowhere a pack of dogs jumped me! I managed to beat all but one of them into submission, but that was the one that had my blue sharpie between his vicious teeth. That blue sharpie was vital to my carreer, my future, my entire life. There was nothing I could do, but wrestle the huge, probably rabid beast to the ground, and take my sharpie from his very jaws. Amazingly, I escaped from the ordeal with nothing worse than an untied shoelace and some blue marks on my pants, completed my paperwork, and my future is assured."

[podling]

Shut up!!!! I don't want my khakis to be ruined!!!!!

And read the first comment. It explains further. Heh.

[podling]

The part about the pear is true, actually.

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

"Good story, Hansel"
I watch Zoolander too much.

[podling]

I don't have to get rabies shots now, do I? Cause that would be annoying. Good thing you changed the setting though, 'cause I was trying to figure out how dogs would get up here. Hmmn. it's still sad the pants are wrecked, but I suppose saving the paperwork was the important thing here...

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

See, the dogs are what makes it mythic fiction. Clearly it was in your office, that's why you were surprised enough that they managed to get the jump on you. They weren't real dogs, but rather ghost dogs, made corporeal for one day. It's just your bad luck that the office building was built on the grounds of an ancient cursed dog burial ground. Too bad, so sad.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

PLus, cause they were ghost dogs, you don't need to worry about rabies. A sudden craving for brains, maybe. but not rabies.

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

I'd stab you with a marker too at that point.

[whitecrow0.livejournal.com]

You are so adorable.

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

Good point. Mmm, brains. yummy...

[piratejenny.livejournal.com]

No no no! Zombie dogs eat the brains.

[toratigris.livejournal.com]

Funny how the balance of guilt and innocence changes when one hears the whole story, eh? *g*

Seriously, I'm afraid I have to agree, permanence is pretty much a sharpie's raison d'etre.

Maybe you could draw on your pants more and make it into a decorative statement? A statement, that is, other than "I was attacked with a blue sharpie." *g*

[malinaldarose.livejournal.com]

While I hate to have to contribute something practical to this discussion (Ghost dogs. Why did it have to be ghost dogs?), have you tried hairspray? I'm not sure how well it'll do with Sharpie ink, but it's supposed to be great for regular ink.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

I too hate to be practical, but acetone is very good at removing sharpie marks. This is only safe if the pants are cotton, though. If they're poly you may end up with holes instead of sharpie.

Depressingly utilitarian, I know....