The recordings

[podling]

Okay, so for the last week or so I've had to update the menu answering machine. Why? Because I speak English well. Or at least, I do until I start recording myself... Anyway, so today was the first day I did it in 1 take! In fact, today was the first day it took me less than 20 to 50 takes. It usually goes like this...

Good... morn... shit *beep*

Good morning! You've reached the cafteria at 72 wall and this is the menu for Wendsday, Sept 30th, I mean, Monday, Monday... fuck. *beep*

Good morning, hehehe, umm, oops... *beep*

The soups today are minestrone and corn chowder and that's the soup, umm, and the main... meat? is umm, sirloin? damn I suck. *beep*

And our special today is silly steak... I mean, Philly, goddammit!!! *beep*

For our sides today, we have California au gratin, umm, cauliflower, oops... *beep*

And our special today is sill... shit. *beep*

Our sides today include Calif... cauliflower, damn... *beep*

Our special sandwich has jack cheese, lettuce, tomato, and remoulade sauce. What the hell is remoulade sauce? oops... *beep*

Good morning, this is... the... cafeter... why the hell do they let me do this??? I ask you why???? *beep*

And we also have po... lent... a. yeah! *beep*

Shit. *beep*

Stop laughing at me! I'm trying to record this. bitchwhores. *beep*

hysterical laughter *beep*

Okay, so that's the menu, umm, bye! *beep*

Uh, have a good day? right. buh-bye! *beep*

damnit!!!! *beep*


The final take is usually underscored by giggling, but you know, it's all good.

Comments

Juan wants to record!

[juanfandango.livejournal.com]

"Ees Juan Fandango! Welcome, my meenions! I permeet you all to look at the menu, I theenk, wheech weell be many fine theengs. Ees sirloin steak burreetos, p'raps, I theenk, an' encheelladas eef you no want thee burreetos. They plenty hot, I theek..."

[piratejenny.livejournal.com]

Andrea, I love you. That's all.

[sage-and-sea.livejournal.com]

If I knew the phone number, I'd call just to hear the giggling.

Re:

[podling]

You're not alone. I've only given it out to one person though. Hehehe.

But sadly, oh so sadly! I will no longer be doing it, because the cafeteria manager will be back tomorrow...

[sage-and-sea.livejournal.com]

Hmph. You, miss, are a tease!

[podling]

Hee! I get that a lot. Go figure...

[rollick.livejournal.com]

One of my co-workers who had the same problem once accidentally left a message on her voice mail that sounded like pretty much the entire sequence above. Instead of hitting "re-record message" on her phone, she was hitting "pause." So her final outgoing voice-mail greeting was 5 minutes long and full of "Hi, you've reached the dick of… dammit, the desk of… oh fuck. *beep* Hi, you've reached Lynn's desk, I'm here or on another Lynn… oh god DAMN it! *beep*" and so forth. Everyone in the office gave it a few listens before we actually told her. }:^)

[podling]

Dude! That's great! I would've listened to it a few times first too...

I think I'm the only person who would say California instead of Cauliflower though. Well, not the only one, but one of few...

my makeup needs fixing!

[branwynelf.livejournal.com]

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!

Now if you'll just share the phone number so we can all hear the final result and giggles ...

Re: my makeup needs fixing!

[podling]

No sharing!!! Telecommunications would probably be like, "why are so many people calling the cafteria??? weird!" Besides, it was my last day doing it...

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

I'm so proud of you, 1 take today!
I take it back, go after that acting career, girl.
So what was the secret? Not caring if you fucked up? Or some nice wine with breakfast?

[podling]

I did it first thing when I got there, before breakfast, before I was totally awake and in work mode. And pre-sugar-rush. But an actor I'll never be...

[whitecrow0.livejournal.com]

I love it. And I really needed to laugh today.

[podling]

Happy to oblige! I've been telling people about it for days, and they always seemed so amused, I just had to share with more people...

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

People who are calling to find out what's for lunch clearly need to be amused. go with the giggling.

[podling]

This is so very true.

[dslartoo.livejournal.com]

I was almost crying with laughter when I read this because I do the EXACT SAME THING when I am trying to record a new voicemail message at work. Then I have to hurry up and rerecord it because our system doesn't allow you to "discard changes" -- when you rerecord, the rerecording goes into the system immediately. So I have to rush and redo it before somebody calls me up and gets "Hi, this is Phil, I'm either on the phone or....what? Okay, yeah, lunch would be good and GODDAMMIT I forgot I was recording this. FUCK. *beep*".

cheers,
Phil

[podling]

Well, it's one of those things. Everyone does it, but doesn't usually talk about it. I'm glad it's not just me. I think it's partly because I'm *trying* to sound at least sort of professional, and it so just doesn't work because I'm a spaz.

Plus when you get into the giggling fits, it's hard to stop. And then you've already screwed the message up, so you *have* to fix it then, but you can't because you're laughing too hard. And meanwhile, the cafeteria people are walking behind me giggling. The rat bastard goat demons.

Luckily I didn't tell too many people here that it was me doing it this week, or I'm sure I would've heard from the Corporate Affairs people about it. They're the ones with the highly developed sense of humor here.

[yendi]

RFL! Alas, I also have this problem with my voicemail. It usually takes me about twenty tries to set up my vacation messages.

Next time, I'm just reading the transcript of what you wrote into my vm, and I'll see how confused anyone who calls is.

[vill.livejournal.com]

That's why they don't even let me WORK in jobs that have voice mail as part of their component. It's the law. When I worked on the cube farm, the final message for my voice mail always had the laughter of my co-workers audible in the background.

Re:

[podling]

Well, I don't think they thought too deeply about it beyond, "Hey! She speaks English without a hard to understand accent!" But yeah, I only make my voicemail messages when no one is around, and even then it's all messed up.

[bellacrow.livejournal.com]

*giggling hysterically*

It would be even great if someone called and got the menu while you were still re-editing. Reminds me of a Kids in the Hall skit ;-)

Re:

[podling]

Yeah, I wondered what happened if someone did that. I tried not to think too hard about it. Or else I would've cracked up more. Or maybe I'm just subconsciously trying to *BE* Kids in the Hall. Heh.