(no subject)

[podling]

So I was talking to someone about BDS&M stuff the other day... actually mostly just about bondage. And at some point I said that I think most people are a little bit attracted (or turned on, more like) to a small amount of it. Not necessarily in a way that would be expressed regularly, but just kind of in the back of the mind.

Anyway, talking to tanaise about it, she said this... "And I think that probably everyone has a little S/M side to themselves because everyone simultaneously wants completely control of their lives and total bossing about by someone else." And I think she makes a valid point...

Comments

[tanaise.livejournal.com]

I think that's maybe part of the problem I have with marriage, and with relationships in general, because while I want some to take care of me, really all that means is I want someone who's there if I need them, but not otherwise--which is how my parents were, how my school was, how my job is. I have always been independent with a safety cushion. But too many people I know have relationships that seem to be...way co-dependant. I think some people need someone telling them what to do. Church, school, marriage, parents, they need *someone* taking responsibility for their lives. So marriage for some people provides the S/M thing needed. Not that it's that way for everyone, of course, but I just see it in too many people.

[deza.livejournal.com]

Now there's a possible tangent--are co-deps more likely to be subs?

[tikimama.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm, I don't know. Co-dependent relationships are so deceptive--one partner appears to be helpless (against the other's drinking/abuse/whatever) but they really aren't. They are really in control of setting the one and rhythm of the relationship. They control the other person, very passive-aggresively.

Of course, a lot of people claim the same things about the sub--that they are the one in control of the encounter, not the dom. It does seem more straightforward to me--both sides are in a particular role, they know what is expected of them. There cannot be much manipulation, therefore.

I would think that a person who is a co-dependent would want to be the dom, just to get a taste of the other side.