Podworld News

So people keep telling me that I look like I lost weight. This is kind of hard to argue with, since they're not actually saying as an imperative, "YOU lost WEIGHT!" Generally it's just, "you LOOK like blah blah blah." Granted people do gain and lose a little all the time, and women around the time of their periods (or their "cycle" as someone at my work tactfully put it, seriously, I did a double take when they said it) look all bloaty.

Anyway, so I have this theory. I've thought it through for a while. When people haven't seen me in a while, they inflate me in their heads. Not, like, a lot or anything, they don't decide I'm 2 or 3 times as large or anything, but just slightly. They remember me more puffy or something. Ever so slightly larger. So when they see me, they're always surprised and happy for me because they think I'm healthier because I've lost weight, when really, it's all in their heads.

Sample conversation...
Guy: Have you lost weight?
me: Uh, no.
G: You sure?
me: Yeah.
G: But you look skinnier.
me: Are you sure I don't just look more pale? It's winter.

The last bus to downtown NYC leaves at 8:02 am.

This is approximately 45 minutes before I got to the bus station today. Oops. My bad. So I had to go to Port Authority instead, ah, Port Authority, a fantabulous place full of wonder and umm... busses, and then take the subway. Luckily I repeatedly took the wrong bus 'lo those many moons ago when I started taking the bus, and I knew exactly where to go.

At least the amount of overtime I've been working makes it seem less like I'm just a slacker...

And more Neil Finn tonight!!!

Wow. Work is sucking the life out of me today. Maybe I should leave on time or something... nah, that'll never work. I think a little primal scream therapy is on the agenda for later tonight...

At least I have a spiffy new Christian Bale icon...

Oh! Oh! People can text message me from my userinfo page now! Faboo!

So yesterday I got two fortunes at the noodle place. The first was... "Romance comes into your life this year in a very unusual way." The second was... "You'll never know what you can do until you try." And ignoring the amazingly obviousness of the second one, thinking about them, it seems like perhaps this year really and truly will be the year of the crazymonkeyloveslave. It's early yet, too early to tell, but anything is possible...

And tonight is the 3rd time I'm attempting to get my car fixed. Wish me luck and stuff. It's really hard being me without the podmobile being truly useable. I mean, seriously. My car is my life. Okay, maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but still! There are at least 5 places that are far away that I need to get to soon. So. I'm going to have to kick ass if they don't fix it this time!!!

I so love this song (Good Together). It's fabulous, it really is. I think I'll listen to it twice. Although 'Good Morning Baby' is right after it, and I so love that song too, hmmn.

Anyway, those of you who are all, "andrea's not talking to me on IM!", I'm busy working!!! Umm, well, not like that strident, but I'm busy today, not just ignoring you (like usual, heh). No hard feelings, I still love you. I'm very scattered here, and I have a lot to do and I'm not quite doing it...

Oh, and tonight is my work party, so for tanaise, that is where I'll be when you call and I don't answer. ;) Open bar, woohoo!!!

So we have a lot of Chinese people working in my department. And I was discussing Chinese New Year with one of the older cook guys. And he says it's going to be the year of the monkey. (!) And then I said to my coworker, "Year of the Monkey! The perfect year for a crazymonkeyloveslave!" And the guy goes, "I'm a monkey". Heh.

So lately a lot's been going on at work, and it's led me to think strange thoughts. Well, kind of. I'm just going to babble about it for a minute here since I can't sleep and there's no one here to talk to (damn that cara girl for going away!). So I was offered, and formally accepted today, a promotion in my current department at work (that's right, one day I aspire to be like d2leddy and be a shining example of management material JUST LIKE HIM!). Basically what this means is that I will not be moving out of state (unless it's to NY, but that's not too likely) and definitely not back to MA like I'd kind of started planning previously. There are good and bad things about this, just like there are good and bad things about most anything (except muppets,
they're all good).

I was raised in MA. I lived there until I was almost 18, and then on summer breaks for a few years. But I was never really an adult living there. My whole life (as a grown-up, really) has been here in NJ. And I've always kind of resisted that. You're not supposed to like NJ, and really, there are some
hideous parts, though it's not all bad. When I first went to Rutgers, I think I had this assumption that I'd go to school here, finish, and go back to MA. Simple as that. But it wasn't that simple. I didn't want to go back. I had no life there, I had no thoughts as to how to build a life there, how to
integrate who I was there with who I am here. And to some extent I still don't know how to do that, but I think I have slightly more of a clue now. It doesn't matter either way really. You are who you are. If people have issues with that, it's their issues. Sure, the discomfort level can be high once in a while, but that's true of life in general anyway.

So in the last two months I spent a lot of time in MA, for holidays and such. And much as I love my family (and I do, though people might've doubted it after my last visits there, but there's other stuff I've been thinking of relating to my family, and I'm just not ready to go into that), and I love aspects of MA, and part of me will always want to be there on occasion, I really can live without moving there for the time being. And now I'm committed to be at my job for at least a little while longer, given that my boss actually said, "If I give you this, will you stay? I need you here." and I agreed to the terms set out. Plus I want to make things better there.

But so now I eventually have to find a new place to live, for after astrophysicat gets a post-doc and moves on. And I don't know where to live, not the town, not the area of the state, nothing. And I think about it a lot. Especially since one of the condos down the hall is for sale. The price has dropped quite a bit on it, and it looks gorgeous, but it's not like I have the money to buy something like that, and I somehow doubt he wants to rent it out. And most of me rejects the idea of ownership. But part of me is saying, "C'mon now! You could do what you wanted in it!" And I'd like to live somewhere that I wouldn't have to move every two years (unless I wanted to... which isn't that farfetched, given that my dream job is to just travel, I love travelling) or have my house sold mid-lease again (which has happened twice now). But these are all really moot points, given that there is no money to be had for it. Though I should point out that the place down the hall has 3 bedrooms, I totally could sublet rooms out (or would that be "letting" rooms out, rather than "subletting" since I wouldn't be "letting" myself, hmmn). I can't afford to live places that I would want to live, is really the truth. I've been spoiled by this place (which is fabulous) and my last place (which was pretty nice and cheap as well).

I never really felt a pull towards ownership before, I think because it felt too much like putting down roots. But really, some roots are thin and easy to break, so that's not necessarily a really good comparison. Anyway, I couldn't imagine living here forever. It doesn't feel like "home" exactly. But it does in a way. And I think that searching for a place that does feel like "home" is
pointless anyway. Seriously. Wants and needs change with time. And the concept of "home" in this sense has often seemed to me like just a throwback to childhood, a remembrance of belonging and safety created by innocence and lack of knowledge (not always the same thing, though it's pretty much impossible to return to either state once you've left it). I don't feel comfortable looking for that. It's fake, it's unrealistic, and it sets up a pitfall of issues when reality doesn't meet expectations. Plus, home is where your heart is, and mine travels with me.

I guess I don't expect to live here for my whole life. I'd rather not, there are so many places I could go. And one day I will, I suppose. For now I have to figure out some kind of short term living situation wants. Actually, I'd like to get advice from one of my uncles, but I feel kind of weird calling him to talk about this, and I just don't see that driving up there is really probable anytime soon. Meh! I want I want I want!!!! Something.

That's New Year's, not New York, just to clarify.

So in the interest in trying to control my finances, I got Quicken Deluxe (for free, but I'm not going into the why of that) and was entering all my info last night. On the bad side, I'll never ever ever pay off my student loans. On the good side, I totalled my credit card limits and it turns out I can theoretically charge $50,200!!! And as I am nearing having no credit card debt, the whole thing is mine to work with! I figure this is enough to set me up in a new country. So, where should I go??? And what should I change my name to???

So the other day I'd told tanaise that space weasels were coming for me (I think she talked about how it's all my fault people look at her strangely because of conversations like this). And given that she and I talk about them an awful lot, I decided to see who else might have it as an interest. And lo and behold, there is one other!!! Check it out!